Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Slowly starting to feel more normal

Well, that's pretty much it at the moment.  I'm slowly getting back to a normal that I'd forgotten was my normal state.  I'm not feeling constantly worn out.  I have energy to do stuff in the evenings.  I have the brain power to be creative at work even when I'm bored stiff and working on audits.  I can go out socialising 4 nights in a row.  I will confess to having a completely switched off day on the Sunday immediately after all this but that's not bad given that it wasn't that long ago when I struggled to leave the house to be sociable more than once a week!

At least, that's what today's been like.  I don't know what tomorrow may bring.  I have even less idea what I might think of life in the next few weeks when I start getting thoroughly fed up of January and darkness and stuff.  Quite what it's going to be like by the time I get to February and then March, I really don't have a clue.  I've booked lots of time off work around then so I've got plenty of space to do my own thing, whatever that may be.  It won't all be time for wallowing either as I've volunteered to help at the church kids' week before Easter so there will be lots of stuff going on as well.

I want to say that time's making everything look brighter but I might be horribly wrong.  I'm really not sure yet where I've currently got to in the whole grieving process.  I'm pretty sure I'm through with anger which is a very good thing.  I don't think I'm depressed although that might have much more to do with me trying my hardest not to be completely flattened by the normal greyness and darkness of January.  Meh, I'm just in a fairly bland sort of mood.  Life is blissfully normal in most ways and what more could I ask for?

(Yes, if you read this post last night, it did end completely differently.  In the cold light of day, I decided to edit it all!)

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