Ramblings about drama and stuff

I have come to the conclusion that there are far too many emotions tied up into one show for me to deal with at once.

To start with, you have the buzz of the show that amplifies everything in the first place.

 - I met Gav at one theatre group

 - He founded another

 - Being at a show thus feels weird because show + Gav = normality

 - I really miss being able to do drama. I don't sing so well and although they're currently doing a play, rehearsal clashes with my home group night.
 - I really miss the atmosphere backstage during a show.

 - I really, really miss Gav if I go and watch a show.  It just feels wrong without his commentary on what's going on technicals/back-stage-wise.

 - The last time I walked into a full auditorium that had the proper pre-"show"-type of buzz, I walked straight back out again, out through the main doors and down to the beach to watch the waves for 10 minutes by myself.  I found it all more upsetting than I expected.  The fact that I was desperately lacking in sleep and had been working 50 hour weeks during the lead-in would also have been a contributory factor.

 - Being almost on tenterhooks because I'm trying to process all of the above means that my idiot filter has a hair trigger.

 - My mum is capable of setting my idiot filter off without even being aware of it if I'm not concentrating.

 - My mum also appears to insist on asking stupid-sounding questions (in the name of polite conversation and small talk) that would be just as easily answered by reading the programme properly or sitting and watching the show for 5 minutes.

 - I mean, for fuck's sake, NO I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ANY SUBSTITUTIONS, YOU READ THAT FACEBOOK UPDATE THE SAME AS ME, THAT'S ALL I KNOW!!!!!  I NO LONGER HAVE ANY FUCKING LINK TO THE INSIDE INFORMATION ABOUT THE SHOW!!!!!

(and breathe!)

(all caps was deliberate then, as was swearing and bold and the five exclamation marks, clearly the sign of a deranged mind ;o) )

So, yeah, that's why I was watching tonight's show from the corridor rather than from my seat.