Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Feeling better tonight

I ended up taking today off of work and did my usual trick of going to the cafe/deli on the local high street for lunch where the food is amazing.  Freshly cooked, local ham, egg and chips is a pretty good medicine for heartache it appears.

I've realised that I need to learn to tell the difference between what seems to be making me upset and what's really making me upset.  I thought I was getting into a confusion because of the-friend-who-I-have-an-unsuitable-crush-on but I wasn't.  That was an easy thing to focus on and prevented me from realising that, actually, I just really miss Gav and there's a part of me that's not looking forwards to Christmas because he won't be around.  I don't have an enormously large crush on the-friend-who-I-have-an-unsuitable-crush-on, just a tiny one and I've dealt with that before, in the past, so I can do it again.  As far as I can tell, my relationship and the way I act around him never goes into inappropriate territory; I'm the one pulling back from a hug if it feels wrong.  His relationship with me isn't really my problem, that's something he needs to sort out himself.

I've also decided that it would be a good use of my time to randomly take a day off midweek every couple of months or so.  While I probably appear quite articulate (if longwinded) on this blog, in real life, it can take me a really long time to work out what I really think or feel about something.  Sometimes, I can come up with answers instantly.  Sometimes, I don't even realise that part of my brain is telling me that something is wrong until I end up over-reacting to something completely unrelated.  Taking the occasional day off here and there to do nothing but try to get my head around wherever I've got to at that point can only be a good thing.

First thing to do tomorrow at work - check the annual leave chart and work out when my next random day off will be! :o)

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